Good morning! I hope you all are looking at a positive or at least better day ahead. unfortunately, I have to say that my pain is back and getting worse. So what I thought was a miracle cure (the depo shot) wasn’t. It may work eventually, or a little at a time however. One thing I hate about taking this continually is that it causes weight gain. I am afraid it will undo all the work I’ve done since July 2011 to manage my weight. I hope my insurance ends up covering the other IUD thing that stops the bleeding for five years, or better yet a Hysterectomy.
I told you all that I’ve been working on something toward my goal to write an autobiography. I started another blog which is a lot harder and takes a lot more of my time. I have only published two entries so far and it is going to be a long ride. I just found out yesterday that 55 people were following on twitter. OMG, that really put a lot of pressure on me. I really didn’t want any followers. Things change so much as time goes by in my life, it makes me uncomfortable for people to read it before I am finished, which will be no time soon.
Originally my son was going to try to get off work to come and visit this weekend and I thought for a few days that I was going to see him and my daughter this weekend. Then he told us that it would be two weeks and even though this is a bad week as far as pain is concerned. I feel a bit sad now and lonely after thinking they would be here.
My mom accidentally told me something that was supposed to be a surprise. My daughter and her husband is moving back here after school ends this year. I am so happy about that. Where they are living now is on campus married housing. It is so small that they have an oven that has been made extra small to fit in the kitchen. It is like a concrete box. Also they have to spray for bugs constantly to keep the roaches, spiders and anything that can fit through all the cracks in that place under control.
The thing is they might have to stay with each of their parents while they find a place to live here. That is going to be really stressful for me. We’ve had to do this before and I don’t know how I am going to handle her living with me again. Everything is always out-of-place when she’s living there. Lots of messes. Anyway, I am really glad they will be living closer.
I am starting to miss having someone to cuddle up with. I miss that warmth from body heat. I haven’t had any kind of sex or orgasm in any form in over a year. I have not had any drive which actually was an answer to prayer because my mind was so twisted and obsessed with it before. I still think I should just stay alone though right now. I still have questions about what is right and what isn’t in that area. Well enough about that.
I appreciate those who follow me, you new ones too. I had to unfollow the one who wasn’t satisfied with my attempt to show I was there. I wish I wouldn’t have been so general now. If I would have really been honest instead of just saying whatever, and trying to relate, I would have told her that I saw more than she thought. I saw her issues too. If you are going to be a christian, you can’t blame it on your husband if you aren’t acting like one anymore. You don’t need someone to hold your hand while you read the bible, pray, or go to church. If you screw his best friend of course he isn’t gonna want to have sex with you after that.
Anyway, that is the pain talking I guess. I will be reading your blogs throughout the day as I can. I still have to write another entry in my other blog this morning. Then I am going to lay down with the heating pad!














Doubt?
Good morning Blogger friends. I want to let you know that I appreciate all of you and only hope and pray for happiness for each one of us. I got my first blogger so far to “chew me out” when I started reading blogs this morning. I had mentioned that I was expanding a little bit and adding a couple more interesting people to follow. Well, I found a really personal blog that was mostly about a bad marriage. I felt for this woman, so I followed her blog and commented a few times and I pushed the “like” button when I had no suggestions or anything helpful to say. You all know me. I like to comment if I feel I have some suggestion that might help, or if I can relate and share an experience similar so they know I understand. If nothing else, I want someone who is hurting to know that there is a person who is reading about their needs.
I did this with this particular blogger. I really felt that she deserved to feel like someone was there. This blogger posted an entry directed at me completely. She called me the “Commenter”. She stated that pressing the “like” button was just a way to make her think you really gave a sh*t. She claimed that I didn’t understand the whole story because I had not went back and read her whole blog, every entry. So she didn’t appreciate the “like” or the comments she was getting, she wanted me or someone to read her whole blog history. I did go back and read some previous entries, and they didn’t give me anymore information. She made everything pretty clear within the posts I read. One was a “story” that I figured was actually a portrayal of what her life consisted of with who she was with. But I didn’t say “Oh I get it”. I just shared my opinion in that kind of situation. Anyway, I am thankful when I know that people care enough to read my blog, and comments are a blessing. I feel that most of you look at it that way too. But if I am wrong please tell me. I know my closer blogger friends will let me know.
Also, I have noticed that when I look back at a previous blog entry of mine, I see a lot of mistakes. I use spell check, and I read it over before I post, but apparently my mind is still not focused as much as I thought it was. So, I am aware of this and I apologize. I guess I was being overly confident in my manic phase when I blogged about being ready to write that autobiography lol. I would definitely have to have a good proofreader!
One more thing I want to share. The blogger that I spoke of in the beginning, also mentioned that I didn’t have the faith to believe in Jesus Christ. So I guess I will give full disclosure about things that have happened in the last several days. God has been dealing with me about that. Making me see that some things you just have to believe and that Jesus died for my sins and He deserves my faith. I have no other proof or answer as to what the catalyst is to good and evil, and I finally come to the conclusion that I was positive that this is what God wanted of me. So, I prayed to Jesus, and accepted Him and thanked him for what He did for me. I now believe by faith the whole story. So, even though I know it makes no difference to most of you, maybe it was a problem with some. Have a good day!
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