Yet again, I see that I am entering into another phase. For a while now, I have been running from my illness. I have been cleverly telling myself that I have risen above all of the craziness in my mind. In reality, I have merely been fighting this alone, silently.
I have just been in a phase of fear. Afraid to reveal any of my inner darkness. Paranoid of exposing my imperfections. I deleted all of my posts of two years to hide my crazy sporadic thoughts and opinions. They are proof that I am not stable. They expose my altering personality traits. I want so much to find what normal is or to know if there even is such a thing. I still after almost 48 years of life want desperately to find myself.
I am thinking of writing again, anonymously of course, under my pen name. I feel a need to write about my crazy mind and the experiences it has brought me to. I want to draw a map that eventually led to my diagnosis(s). It is going to be an undertaking but I feel compelled to. I guess it is my way of reaching out to find someone who can relate and maybe a way to understand myself better. We will see.
I feel as though I am moving to a more peaceful, passionate and emotional part of me. These traits are not prominent in me but they are there and they want to be free. I have no idea how this phase will reveal itself or what to expect from me. I am just learning how to detect a change coming before it hits me in the face. But I am going to try to accept whatever side of me is brought out in the near future. Everyone reading, I hope that you have a wonderful week ahead. Try to be positive. Thanks for reading ♥♥