warmth

Good morning! I hope you all are looking at a positive or at least better day ahead. unfortunately, I have to say that my pain is back and getting worse. So what I thought was a miracle cure (the depo shot) wasn’t. It may work eventually, or a little at a time however. One thing I hate about taking this continually is that it causes weight gain. I am afraid it will undo all the work I’ve done since July 2011 to manage my weight.  I hope my insurance ends up covering  the other IUD thing that stops the bleeding for five years, or better yet a Hysterectomy.

I told you all that I’ve been working on something toward my goal to write an autobiography. I started another blog which is a lot harder and takes a lot more of my time. I have only published two entries so far and it is going to be a long ride. I just found out yesterday that 55 people were following on twitter. OMG, that really put a lot of pressure on me. I really didn’t want any followers. Things change so much as time goes by in my life, it makes me uncomfortable for people to read it before I am finished, which will be no time soon.

Originally my son was going to try to get off work to come and visit this weekend and I thought for a few days that I was going to see him and my daughter this weekend. Then he told us that it would be two weeks and even though this is a bad week as far as pain is concerned. I feel a bit sad now and lonely after thinking they would be here.

My mom accidentally told me something that was supposed to be a surprise. My daughter and her husband is moving back here after school ends this year. I am so happy about that. Where they are living now is on campus married housing. It is so small that they have an oven that has been made extra small to fit in the kitchen. It is like a concrete box. Also they have to spray for bugs constantly to keep the roaches, spiders and anything that can fit through all the cracks in that place under control.

The thing is they might have to stay with each of their parents while they find a place to live here. That is going to be really stressful for me. We’ve had to do this before and I don’t know how I am going to handle her living with me again. Everything is always out-of-place when she’s living there. Lots of messes. Anyway, I am really glad they will be living closer.

I am starting to miss having someone to cuddle up with. I miss that warmth from body heat. I haven’t had any kind of sex or orgasm in any form in over a year. I have not had any drive which actually was an answer to prayer because my mind was so twisted and obsessed with it before. I still think I should just stay alone though right now. I still have questions about what is right and what isn’t in that area. Well enough about that.

I appreciate those who follow me, you new ones too. I had to unfollow the one who wasn’t satisfied with my attempt to show I was there. I wish I wouldn’t have been so general now. If I would have really been honest instead of just saying whatever, and trying to relate, I would have told her that I saw more than she thought. I saw her issues too. If you are going to be a christian, you can’t blame it on your husband if you aren’t acting like one anymore. You don’t need someone to hold your hand while you read the bible, pray, or go to church. If you screw his best friend of course he isn’t gonna want to have sex with you after that.

Anyway, that is the pain talking I guess. I will be reading your blogs throughout the day as I can. I still have to write another entry in my other blog this morning. Then I am going to lay down with the heating pad!

The difference

I know that my mental breakdown did most of the damage to my mind and my abilities.  That is when I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I was given advice in the hospital to start filing for disability. I had tried to hold down a couple of jobs after I had walk out of my job preceding the breakdown and I couldn’t handle it at all.  But before that, and before I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, I knew something was wrong. As far as handling a job, I would always start the job with confidence and learned my position well. The first impression of me was that I was a great worker. But as soon as any simple thing concerning my job changed for some reason, I would get lost and I couldn’t handle the change. I would become a poor employee and lose all confidence and quit showing up. This was followed by weeks of depression. Then I would start all over again with a different job, and so it went. I could only juggle so much in my life at a time. My kids were kids then and I had to have my party time on the weekends. Once the week started, I had to shut everything out to have the wits about me to go to work.

This brings me to how it compares to others with bipolar disorder. There are many with  this disorder that can not only keep a job, but have an all out career, and hobbies or volunteer work on the side. While raising kids and a husband to take care of. It makes me embarrassed that I couldn’t even manage a job for very long. I wonder to myself that maybe there was some other reason, some other mental problem that kept me from ever succeeding.

I, even though I have already been aware of and you have too probably, went over the symptoms that the Mayo clinic lists as Bipolar symptoms, as listed here:

Symptoms
By Mayo Clinic staff
 
Bipolar disorder is divided into several subtypes. Each has a different pattern of symptoms. Types of bipolar disorder include:

Bipolar I disorder. Mood swings with bipolar I cause significant difficulty in your job, school or relationships. Manic episodes can be severe and dangerous.
Bipolar II disorder.
 Bipolar II is less severe than bipolar I. You may have an elevated mood, irritability and some changes in your functioning, but generally you can carry on with your normal daily routine. Instead of full-blown mania, you have hypomania — a less severe form of mania. In bipolar II, periods of depression typically last longer than periods of hypomania.
Cyclothymic disorder.
Cyclothymic disorder, also known as cyclothymia, is a mild form of bipolar disorder. With cyclothymia, hypomania and depression can be disruptive, but the highs and lows are not as severe as they are with other types of bipolar disorder.

Bipolar disorder symptoms reflect a range of moods.

The exact symptoms of bipolar disorder vary from person to person. For some people, depression causes the most problems; for other people, manic symptoms are the main concern. Symptoms of depression and symptoms of mania or hypomania may also occur together. This is known as a mixed episode.

Manic phase of bipolar disorder
Signs and symptoms of the manic or hypomanic phase of bipolar disorder can include:

Euphoria
Inflated self-esteem
Poor judgment
Rapid speech
Racing thoughts
Aggressive behavior
Agitation or irritation
Increased physical activity
Risky behavior
Spending sprees or unwise financial choices
Increased drive to perform or achieve goals
Increased sex drive
Decreased need for sleep
Easily distracted
Careless or dangerous use of drugs or alcohol
Frequent absences from work or school
Delusions or a break from reality (psychosis)
Poor performance at work or school
Depressive phase of bipolar disorder
Signs and symptoms of the depressive phase of bipolar disorder can include:

Sadness
Hopelessness
Suicidal thoughts or behavior
Anxiety
Guilt
Sleep problems
Low appetite or increased appetite
Fatigue
Loss of interest in activities once considered enjoyable
Problems concentrating
Irritability
Chronic pain without a known cause
Frequent absences from work or school
Poor performance at work or school
Other signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder

Signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder can also include:

Seasonal changes in mood.
 As with seasonal affective disorder (SAD), some people with bipolar disorder have moods that change with the seasons. Some people become manic or hypomanic in the spring or summer and then become depressed in the fall or winter. For other people, this cycle is reversed — they become depressed in the spring or summer and manic or hypomanic in the fall or winter.

Rapid cycling bipolar disorder.
 Some people with bipolar disorder have rapid mood shifts. This is defined as having four or more mood swings within a single year. However, in some people mood shifts occur much more quickly, sometimes within just hours.

Psychosis. Severe episodes of either mania or depression may result in psychosis, a detachment from reality. Symptoms of psychosis may include false but strongly held beliefs (delusions) and hearing or seeing things that aren’t there (hallucinations).

Symptoms in children and adolescents
Instead of clear-cut depression and mania or hypomania, the most prominent signs of bipolar disorder in children and adolescents can include explosive temper, rapid mood shifts, reckless behavior and aggression. In some cases, these shifts occur within hours or less — for example, a child may have intense periods of giddiness and silliness, long bouts of crying and outbursts of explosive anger all in one day.

When to see a doctor
If you have any symptoms of depression or mania, see your doctor or mental health provider. Bipolar disorder doesn’t get better on its own. Getting treatment from a mental health provider with experience in bipolar disorder can help you get your symptoms under control.

Many people with bipolar disorder don’t get the treatment they need. Despite the mood extremes, people with bipolar disorder often don’t recognize how much their emotional instability disrupts their lives and the lives of their loved ones. And if you’re like some people with bipolar disorder, you may enjoy the feelings of euphoria and cycles of being more productive. However, this euphoria is always followed by an emotional crash that can leave you depressed, worn out — and perhaps in financial, legal or relationship trouble.

 

To me it seems like a very complicated and overpowering illness. Even with medication, you still can have an episode, just not as bad or as often. Then medication that we have to take causes us side effects that would hinder our ability to focus on a career, I would think.

But bipolar people do it every day. So I am wrong, it isn’t debilitating to a lot of people. I just wish I knew what it is that makes the difference in each of us.

 

Can not relate

I hope all of you are having a peaceful evening. Here in Kentucky the weather is the way I like it, cool and breezy. I have my windows open and the animals love it! Good news! I got the Depo shot yesterday amid the start of the pain and cramping. This morning I woke up and I was fine. I had no pain! Thank God! I am hoping that this is going to be  the end of my pain.

I have made it known many times that I like to be home. I don’t have any interest in making new friends right now and that I am content with my blog and my family. What I haven’t explained is that I was born in Michigan, moved to Florida shortly after I got married ( and that was centuries ago). I really loved Florida. I was a bad girl after my divorce there. But even when I was married and was a regular church goer, I had no problem finding friends that I could relate to in either crowd. It was that way in Michigan once I got out of my parents spell.

 I came here because my parents had moved here and I was all burned out and losing my home and  that you can read somewhere else. When I worked, I had “friends”. We had work in common. I’m not going to say anything negative about anyone. But I had to become kind of like them to feel comfortable. I have written the obvious reasons why I began to retreat from public. But I feel like I am really past that now. I stay home because I don’t want to associate with people I have nothing in common with. Around here, socializing means getting together and drinking somewhere. There is nothing else  here to do.

I even tried looking through the blogs relating to Kentucky and all the blogs were about sports, the news, or about uncle joe falling in the creek. every one seems to have a messed up life with pills and men and all the women are bitter and just want to talk about other women.

Ok I better quit. This is just what I have come in contact with. I stay here because I can make a living here. I can survive financially. I have lived in this house for ten years and If I stay in it five more years, I can buy it on special financing. My kids are close to here, and my parents who are getting older and I am the only  child.

 I’m not  trying to be disrespectful to anyone but I just don’t understand them. So I am not really anxious to  go out to some bar to meet someone who is drunk and trying to scam me out of some money. I don’t drink anymore and I don’t like watching people drink. So, it is better for me to be alone right now.

I have been reading “voice of Glass” blog ” It is on my blogroll” and his series on isolation and how it affects your relationship with god. I have loved reading it. I agree with so much of what he has written. I have searched myself and sought to know how God felt about my isolation. I am still seeking but so far, it seems that I can have a closer relationship with God, the more I stay away from my surroundings. I am just starting to put my faith in Christ and I have so many questions I have to answer about what all this means. I need to be able to put those things first. So it’s blogging for now.

I am starting something, that I want to take my time with and do my best to do it well. I have made another blog. strictly to write about my life. I haven’t tried to get followers or anything. I want to practice writing and remembering things. Susanna who’s  blog is titled ” Looking through life through stained glass” gave me the idea.

It looks like it will be two weeks until my son comes in from Nashville. My daughter wants to come too. she usually does when he comes. Honestly, now days I can only handle them one at a time. Plus I would like to have time with my son  alone. There gets to be a little tension with them together. My daughter I think has always kind of felt like he got treated better. I can say he got less abuse from his father, but they were loved and cared for just the same. So when they are both here, whatever I do for him, I have to do for her and so on. But I need them around me for a few days so I can’t wait!

I hope you that have trouble sleeping like I do, have a good restful nights sleep tonight.

Doubt?

Good morning Blogger friends. I want to let you know that I appreciate all of you and only hope and pray for happiness for each one of us. I got my first blogger so far to “chew me out” when I started reading blogs this morning. I had mentioned that I was expanding a little bit and adding a couple more interesting people to follow. Well, I found a really personal blog that was mostly about a bad marriage. I felt for this woman, so I followed her blog and commented a few times and I pushed the “like” button when I had no suggestions  or anything helpful to say. You all know me. I like to comment if I feel I have some suggestion that might help, or if I can relate and share an experience similar so they know I understand. If nothing else, I want someone who is hurting to know that there is a person who is  reading about their needs.

I did this with this particular blogger. I really felt that she deserved to feel like someone was there. This blogger posted an entry directed at me completely. She called me the “Commenter”. She stated that pressing the “like” button was just a way to make her think you really gave a sh*t. She claimed that I didn’t understand the whole story because I had not went back and read her whole blog, every entry. So she didn’t appreciate the “like” or the comments she was getting, she wanted  me or someone  to read her whole blog history. I did go back and read some previous entries, and they didn’t give me anymore information. She made everything pretty clear within the posts I read. One was a “story” that I figured was actually a portrayal of what her life consisted of with who she was with. But I didn’t say “Oh I get it”.  I just shared my opinion in that kind of situation. Anyway, I am thankful when I  know that people care enough to read my blog, and comments are a blessing. I feel that most of you look at it that way too. But if I am wrong please tell me. I know my closer blogger friends will let me know.

Also, I have noticed that  when I look back at a previous blog entry of mine, I see a lot of mistakes. I use spell check, and I read it over before I post, but apparently my mind is still not focused as much as I thought it was. So, I am aware of this and I apologize. I guess I was being overly confident in my manic phase when I blogged about being ready to write that autobiography lol. I would definitely have to have a good proofreader!

One more thing I want to share. The blogger that I spoke of in the beginning, also mentioned that I didn’t have the faith to believe in Jesus Christ. So I guess I will give full disclosure about things that have happened in the last several days. God has been dealing with me about that. Making me see that some things you just have to believe and that Jesus died for my sins and He deserves my faith. I have no other proof or answer as to what the catalyst is to good and evil, and I finally come to the conclusion that I was positive that this is what God wanted of me. So, I prayed to Jesus, and accepted Him and thanked him for what He did for me. I now believe by faith the whole story. So, even though I know it makes no difference to most of you, maybe it was a problem with some. Have a good day!

Still at square one

Yeah, just like I dreaded. They were scratching their heads at the gyn. The MRI of my pelvic area did not show anything more than we already knew. She said that I needed to be patient while she goes through the steps of trying different things until something works. What she thinks is the only way to stop all this pain and bleeding every two weeks is to stop my period altogether. The first thing we are trying is the Depo Provera shot. I got my first one today. I don’t know what is going to happen and neither does the Doctor. I told her I was already starting to have some pain for  the next period. Will this shot help? She doesn’t know. So after I got the shot, I did some more errands and came home, still cramping. I researched it on google and basically found out this:

The Depo-subQ Provera 104 injection is the first new remedy in the last 15 years to be FDA approved for the treatment of endometriosis-related pain. According to research provided by Pfizer, the manufacturer of Depo Provera, Depo-subQ Provera 104 treats endometriosis pain as effectively as leuprolide yet is associated with fewer vasomotor symptoms (like hot flashes or sweats) and significantly less bone loss. In fact, Depo Provera yielded pain relief statistically equivalent to that of leuprolide across all endometriosis-associated areas — pelvic pain, pelvic tenderness, dysmenorrhea, painful intercourse, and hardening and thickening of tissue.

After a few shots, Depo Provera usually stops menstruation, resulting in thinner, more compact endometrial tissue. This, in turn, can stop the growth of endometrial implants, relieving endometriosis-related pain.

Now she didn’t mention endometriosis so I don’t know what it will do. Of course it is a birth control but I have no need for that. But she says we had to try this. If this doesn’t work, actually if the next thing can get paid by insurance, we will change to Mirena which is a little thing they insert into the uterus that stays in for five years and stops the period while it is in. She says that would be ideal because in five years I should be done bleeding anyway. If neither of these things work, the next thing is a D&C. That is as far as she went. No talk of  a hysterectomy.

So, I am far from finished with this problem. I just pray that one of these things work and that I don’t have many side effects. Keep me in your prayers. Good night everyone.

We’ve got the flow going on

Good morning my friends. I have managed to sleep until 4am this morning after a host of crazy dreams throughout the night. Today I go back to my gyn and find out what the results are from my pelvic MRI. I am so anxious to find out. But I have a dread that they will still be scratching their heads. I am already feeling the beginning of another one coming on.

I have a lot of animals for just one person to spend time with. It seems they have worked out their own arrangement, or I like to say, “routine” with me. My oldest, biggest cat, the very specialist one whom I help his mother give birth to him because he was so huge, Is my bed partner. He sleeps on me not with me.  Sasha, my dog gets me first thing in the morning with a warm morning hug and some play. Of course she is my jogging/walking buddy. Plus she faines many of fake potty breaks so we can go out and play in the yard lol. Xander, the little fluffy cat talks to me constantly throughout the day and of course I talk back. He notices any time I lay down on the couch or sit anywhere and that is his cue to come and wallow around on me, love on me and chit-chat. He is so full of love it is unbelievable. He’s a little fluff that is for sure.

Could you imaging me with my need for routine and my need to stay away from conflict with a bunch of animals that fought over me all the time? I call it a blessing that they are a help instead of making it worse on me. I hope to get more pictures of them, especially Sasha, when my son come to visit from Nashville this weekend or next! Yes I will finally have some interaction with him! I will try to  get him to take a bunch of current pictures, especially of Sasha. One of my blogger friends has the cutest dog and I constantly can’t hold back commenting on the pictures of him. They are photographers with awesome cameras so they can take some good ones. They are wanting to see some current pictures of my Sasha, so that is one reason I want to get some taken.

Now I am off to read more blogs before my shift with Sasha starts lol. I hope each of you has a positive day. I will probably write about the gyn visit if they say anything worth writing about.

feeling the need again

Today was therapy day and being manic I had a lot to talk about. I told her I can’t sleep right now. She knows how bad I get from sleep deprivation. She kind of pissed me off a bit as she has done many times before, by looking at me and saying “Promise me that you won’t get up at two am anymore”. We both know that is the only thing that makes me get defiant with her. She does it often and I question her every time as to why she does it because she knows that I won’t follow her instructions. She said to lay there until I fell back asleep. I told her I cant’. Anyway, I am supposed to call tomorrow afternoon after she talks to the Dr. ( the one that gives me the prescriptions) about raising my trazodone.

While I was there, I mentioned that I was blogging. She found that interesting. She asked me what I blogged about. I told her that I wrote about mental illness, female stuff and sometimes I post about things that have happened in the past. She said I should quit the blog and get on with the autobiography. She has always wanted me to write one. I told her I wasn’t ready for that, and I barely can make any sense in the blog. She said that maybe this blog was practice.

I’m manic as I have said way to many times, so I might be overly confident. But I got this energy surge, not like I want to run a marathon, but energy in my heart. I thought about the future and instead of thinking about how I was just going to stay home and take care of my animals cause my life is over, I felt like it was a possible that I might be able one day to author a book of my life. If I am being over the top, look over me lol. But it is a good feeling to have that thought right now.

The house was crowded!

Sometimes I end up just about writing a blog post in someones comments lol. That is what happened a few minutes ago. But this time I decided to go ahead and blog about it for everyone to read. The subject came up in the comment on my post “triggers”. Jamie (Moodyone) told me her biggest trigger was when she was really ill in the hospital with pneumonia and they didn’t know if she was going to make it. So I told her about my experience.  Jamie, I guess this would be boring for you dear lol.

My daughter’s chin was always prominent. I thought it was fine. having a rather long chin ran in my side of the family. But she was getting called names at school like “chin,chin,” and other things for a few years. When we realized that she was going to need braces, but once he put them on, the dentist referred us to a surgeon. He said that her jaw was actually out-of-place. She had been born that way. He said she really needed to have it taken care of because the way it was would make her teeth not aligned causing them to grind down. He also said she could develop lock-jaw.

So we saw the surgeon and he decided that she needed the surgery. So the day came and they realigned her jaw. Then they had to wire her mouth shut for six weeks. That meant I was to feed her through a straw. I had to put everything in the blender until it was almost liquid before it could be fed through a straw. My whole  day consisted of trying to find ways to feed her what she would eat. Soon I had to take her to the ER cause we couldn’t get the straw through the little opening in the back. It was closed. They said her tongue was swollen because she was dehydrated. So I was even more worried.

The biggest worry though was that due to her teeth being wired shut, she couldn’t talk. She could only write things down. So when she went to bed at night, how was I supposed to know if something was wrong? So, first of all, I am totally out of any kind of routine, I was frustrated with trying to get her to eat something healthy all day and I couldn’t sleep a wink at all every night because I was listening for the slightest noise from her in case something was wrong.

I got to wear I was hallucinating. There appeared a woman (looked like the 18th century) in my living room sitting on a chair that looked like a throne. She had a hood around her so that you couldn’t get a good look at her face. Her arms were propped on the chair arms. She stayed for weeks. I went through each day with a man attached to me at the wrist. He was always there and every time I used that arm for anything, his arm came with mine because we were attached. He looked rustic. He had on a checked flannel shirt, grey hair and beard. I wasn’t afraid of him. Every time I looked toward my couch, I saw children jumping up and down on it constantly. It really frustrated me. Lastly, there were little squirrels running all over the place.. That is the way I lived for weeks. I was so glad when they finally let her take the wires out. AFter a little while all my friends started fading away. I guess it was sleep deprivation causing it, but our minds are so complex aren’t they? There are other things I will share sometime that we experienced that we thought were real at the time. Has anyone experienced anything like this?

A Time That we Don’t speak of

My daughter is 25 years old now and happily married to a man who is perfect for her. She is beautiful, she used to model, she is an artist, she can sing, she can turn an old shirt into something you would look for at the mall. But when It comes to reality, she doesn’t do well. She has always it seems, ran from the real world. I didn’t really try to stop her because our real world was more than a girl should have to see.

This was a time during my mental/nervous breakdown, after the big moving sale and dash to Florida and back and the big goodbye  to sanity. My daughter  had been witness to the volatile relationship with the married man. She saw me being a slut, on drugs and drunk. She watched me go crazy, and she had no mercy. Life had been really good before that happened. My son was with his dad through the worst of it thank God! She watched as they admitted me into the mental ward at the hospital. She found her grandpa (my dad) at our apartment putting all of her stuff in his van. She was furious and began to argue with him and he ended up jerking her around. She called the police and almost pressed charges against him. But everyone was stressed. My parents were because they didn’t know why I was in the mental ward and I wouldn’t let the people let mom and dad in to see me. I was supposed to be out of my apartment in a few days because I couldn’t pay the rent, but I was in the hospital and couldn’t make arrangements. My daughter was furious that my parents were trying to take over as usual. Due to the fact we had already decided never to stay with my mom again after her statement that God told her that they couldn’t help me anymore cause I was cursed and they would be cursed too if they were to keep helping me. So my daughter was going to stay with her boyfriend at his dads house. When I got out, I had to stay there too for about two weeks and then we got our own place.

I was on the heavy-duty psychotic meds at that time and I didn’t know what was going on most of the time. As an example, I guess I was standing in front of the TV on 9/11 while the planes were crashing into the towers and I have no memory of it. I had to watch the specials about it later on to see what I had supposedly already seen. While I was in this state. My daughter would come over to the couch and tell me she would be back in a minute (I had no concept of time). I would wake up in the night and she would have a bunch of hoodlums in the house burning the bible and stuff. I had no control. I really don’t know what all happened during that time. But I eventually got a break and we moved where we are now, kind of out in the country, away from all that stuff. She really rebelled then. I still was drugged up and drunk all the time and I had no control still over  my daughter. She would throw fits because she couldn’t go the places she use to before and see those people and I wouldn’t take her. She started getting people to come all the way out here to pick her up and she was gone for the night, and I had no idea where she was. I was starting to get my head together and was trying different meds. She was bringing people home that I didn’t know,getting into my meds and it got to where she had to be admitted to the same place I was. She ran off across the state with this guy, she had a long distance relationship with a guy in his 30′s btw she was like 14 who lived in California and was wanting to fly her out there. It was a sad time until we both ended up  half crazy and drunk all the time.

We both know that I was a terrible mother at the time. We also both know that she really took advantage of me in my vulnerable state at the time. Both of us did things that could have really screwed up our lives for good. It is hard for us to look back on it now. We can’t talk about it. She won’t even allow any conversation about that time. I feel like she has really turned out better than a lot of girls would have in that environment, but it also is sad because I think she handles it so well because she has escaped that reality. But I can’t, That time period will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Triggers?

I had heard the word “Triggers” here and there. But I have never really knew

what they were. I thought it was something that was said or a picture, I didn’t

really know. There have been times when I have wondered if an image I want

to use in a post might be one, or I worry that something I’ve said might be a

trigger to someone. I hope I haven’t done that. finally I decided to stop

guessing and researched it like I should have in the first place. I was surprised

when I saw that triggers are brought on by much more that what someone

says or by what they may see. After reading about all the triggers I saw that I

have triggers too. I have many! I am sure that most of you know about this

already, But I wanted to share some of the things I found in case someone

else is in the Dark as much as me lol.

Common Bipolar Triggers:

• An irregular sleep schedule
• A poor work environment
  (where there is a lot of infighting, politicking, a lack of structure, etc.)
• Fighting or arguing with the people around you
• Medication side effects
• Travel
• Feeding into the first signs of mania
  (such as letting yourself stay up until 2AM just because you finally feel well enough to have some fun)
• Taking on too much work
  (especially when you know it makes you sick)

• Alcohol, drugs and caffeine
• Lack of a schedule
  (especially when you’re depressed)
• Too many classes at school
  (especially at a young age when bipolar mood swings are more prevalent)
• Missing, reducing or stopping medications
• Engagements that have a lot of pressure
  (such as weddings, sporting events, concerts, large parties, etc.)
• Difficult romantic relationships
  (arguments, dramatic breakups and getting back together, etc.)
• Money worries

Mood swing Triggers:

• Sleep patterns
• Energy level
• Alcohol or drug use
• Sex drive
• Self-esteem
• Concentration

Emotional stress triggers:

• Major life change like moving or starting a new job
• Arguing with a friend or loved one
• Financial problems

Things that I found in my research that apply to me:

•Relationship conflicts, which could be caused by fallout from bipolar, such as overspending, an inability to work, a desire for conflict, or a lack of energy

•Family fiascos, including personality conflicts with family members or unresolved issues from the past

•Holidays, when you tend to have more to do than usual or your normal schedule is turned upside down

•Mood-altering people, including those with whom you tend to clash and those who might lead you down the path of making unhealthy decisions, like your best friend, the self-proclaimed party animal

•Uncomfortable situations that trigger strong emotional reactions, such as having bill collectors calling you in the middle of the night or even having to wait for over an hour in your doctor’s office

* If you read this and you have more information, or you know of a trigger that I haven’t found and I need to know, please comment and let me know. thanks.