Hi everyone! Boy I have been so busy lately. My daughter has moved in with me after going through a divorce and it has been nonstop moving her in. In a couple of weeks, my son is also coming to stay with me for a few months as well. It is going to be like old times again. All of us here together in the house they grew up in! I am so glad that I have a place for my children when they need to come home for a while.
It is a small house but we made it work before so we should be able to all co-inhabit pretty well. It is a big adjustment for me being that I have lived here alone for five years. I had grown into an isolated, ritualistic, ocd nut. My house was always perfect. I had no clutter and I had my own strict ways of doing things and certain times of doing them. Now everything is up in the air. I think this is good for me to get out of that rut but it has been hard on me. Yet it has been great as well.
I have been spending more time with my girlfriend also and it is wonderful but still another adjustment. Seems like now I miss her more when she is not here than I did when I didn’t see her as much. When we aren’t together it seems like we get more frustrated and fight more too. We have some issues with communication, especially when we are just mostly texting when we are apart.
One thing about texting is that you can not hear the other persons tone of voice while they are saying something and it is easy to take things the wrong way. When that happens it seems to snowball from there. She wants to clam up when she thinks I have said something offensive and I just get more frustrated until I get so angry that I say things that I never should have said. Afterward we are left doubting and wondering if we will ever make it. If we were together all of the time, maybe our communication would be much better. We are wonderful together when we are in person. But it is a risk. What if we made this big change and she moved here where we would be together every day and it didn’t get better? Would we survive the adjustment? It just seems like things are at a point where we need to get closer. Now I am going to have a houseful here and very little privacy.
I talked to my therapist about my part and she suggested that when I am frustrated with my girlfriend, instead of exploding in text or Facebook messenger, to open my “memo” app on my phone and get it all out of my system there instead of to her. Then I can stop and think through what I have written and realize before it is too late that I shouldn’t talk to her that way. I have an awful temper and when I am mad, I want to be cruel and vindictive. I have been trying to change but that is one fault that is hard to control.
So many changes, adjustments and decisions…. I am drained right now. I don’t want things to go back to the way they were, but I just wish the changes would get over with soon and I could relax in the “new” normal. My kids need me, my girlfriend needs me and my parents need me as welI. Also, I can’t neglect myself in all of this.. I have been trying to help my parents out for a while now with grocery shopping and errands and I don’t want to neglect them. I need strength and a big dose of energy. A few nerve pills would help too!
I hope that all of you who read are doing well and enjoying the extra nice spring weather. Thanks for reading and have a great day! Wish me luck and say a prayer for me too! Thanks!