I just thought I would post a bit today. Things happen and I think to myself, “I should write a post about this” but then I never do. So, I guess I am just keeping things up to date.
First of all, if you can see my avatar, I am now a blonde. This is something I have only done once briefly way back in my early 20’s. It didn’t turn out so good so I vowed I wouldn’t do it again. But hence, in my ripe old age of 48 I have went and did it again. This time, I am quite pleased with it. Unfortunately, it hasn’t caused me to have any more fun yet but I am definitely trying.
I had posted about my testing for ADHD last time and the results are that I seem to have mild ADHD but that a lot of what seems to be that is in reality my anxiety that makes me the way I am. I am not surprised. I have had a severe problem with anxiety for a long time. I was on medication for several years, but the doctor I have now will not prescribe it so I had to wean myself off of it about a year and a half ago. I see my regular physiologist in a couple of weeks and we will discuss what, if anything, we can do about it.
Mostly I am just watching my weight and paying attention to portion control when it comes to my diet lately. I did lose about 15 lbs over the last few months but I am not sure if I have kept it all off. I think I am up a pound or two again. I have indulged in too much Olive Garden lately with the endless pasta bowl and all. But I am taking back the control now and hopefully I will begin losing once again.
The main thing that has been on my mind is my love life. I don’t even know if I actually have one but I have been talking to a woman for the past month or so. But that is all we have been doing, talking. By that I mean on Facebook messenger, and text. She only lives about an hour away. I have been to her city a few times and wanted to see her but she is always unavailable. She has made plans to see me several times and then something always comes up.
I don’t even think we would be right for each other. The only thing that makes her compatible is the things we have discussed about sex. Everything else about her, I do not even understand. I know that the truth is that she probably really has no plans to meet me in person. But every time she starts making plans, I get my hopes up. I want to ask her about the things that I don’t understand but not in text. These things are subjects that I would want to discuss in person. I am frustrated to say the least.
Finding another woman in this area that is compatible is impossible. So, this is really the best opportunity I have had in a long time. But, I have faced the facts over and over and stopped talking to her. But after a day or two of not talking, she starts reeling me in again. I think that maybe she has a desire to be a lesbian but is not ready to actually live it out. She says she has had other girlfriends but I am starting to doubt it. From seeing her interact on Facebook, I really don’t think she is actually doing anything maliciously toward me. I think maybe she is just really confused. Of course I am hoping that she will get up the nerve to take a chance with me. Maybe we could work out together once I can figure her out.
Just writing about this seems so pathetic. But I like to be honest about what’s going on in my life and mind and this is it right now. I am sure that soon I will completely get fed up with all the teasing and put a stop to it but right now I am not ready to give up hope altogether. I am alone and it has been lonely lately and this is at least some interaction.
In other news, I am so proud of my kids. They have become such wonderful independent adults. My daughter and her husband just moved into the nicest apartment they have ever had and both have really good jobs. My daughter alone is making more money than I ever did. I am looking forward to seeing my son and his lady next month. I am so proud of him as well. I wasn’t the best mother while they were growing up. I was big on love and acceptance but not good with teaching them how to be adults and responsible. I wasn’t an example of that myself at that time. But thankfully, they have grown up so awesome.
I am sure I will take the time to post sometime in the future but it hasn’t been very often lately. I appreciate all of you who read and especially those who like and comment. Lots of love! ♥